Today I tumble down the smutty rabbit hole as I admire condom adverts from the other side of the globe.
Yes I realise that the first installment of the Weird Travel Pic series was ever so slightly on the risque side, but it seems you guys like it that way, judging from the pageviews. Who am I to deny popular consensus what it craves? What it needs?
Today I share with you two images in one. Partly because I can’t go ahead and post two similar photos in the series, that would be silly, but partly because I enjoy the weird tension between these two different worlds of safe sex. Observe:
These are adverts that just keep giving. There’s so much to analyse therefore I’ll begin with the putrid green advert, found in a toilet in Sydney, Australia.
I think you’ll agree that the creator of this advert had only one thing on his mind when he typeset this advert (and I don’t think I’m being too sexist here in suggesting that this level of potty-mouthed childishness could only be from a male of our species). It was meant to be defaced. It’s just too perfect. Perhaps the guys who install the machines were even given instructions on what to scratch away to make this the thing of blue-beauty that it unquestionably is. Perhaps turning ‘Condom’ into ‘Com’ was a shade too much and might have been better left well alone, but overall I think this could be a genuinely genius piece of marketing, and the apogee of toilet humour. There I stood, washing my hands, reading this notice – if I’d had the cash available I too would have bought a ‘Savage Bliss Turd Com’.
Just for the memories, you understand…
Swivel your eyes to the right, just a few degrees. This second advert was discovered lashed to a telephone pole in muddy alleys beside the port on the island of Koh Tao, Thailand. So many questions flood my mind when analysing this one. Firstly, who is Mr. J, and why does he make his condoms so well that he guarantees them for 20 years? If he sat down and thought about it for just a moment he might realise that the reason he is having to run a BTGOF (Buy Ten Get One Free) promotion is because nobody is wearing out one of his master-crafted prophylactics. EVER. What would any man actually do with a 220 year supply of homemade condoms? For that is surely how long they will last, as they are ‘Home Made’. Note the desperation in the ‘?’ lingering at the end of the sentence with deformed ellipses – Mr. J is a man on the edge of sanity. He is already unable to realise the error of his ways but still harbours the hope that whoever takes a two-century supply off of him will also decide that they should pay for the extra one out of the kindness of their hearts.
But then, is this an error at all?
Mr. J seems highly concerned with the sexual health of not only his Thai compatriots but also the foreigners sojourning upon this sunny SCUBA paradise. After all, this is in English. He’s a veritable titan in the struggle against overpopulation, and so long as they are really, really, really well washed after use I see no reason why he isn’t a mighty hero in the war on AIDS too. Compare this state of mind with that of the diabolical Australian marketing man and you begin to see Mr. J in a wholly different light.
What can I do but salute you, Mr. J?! You sacrifice and hard work puts me to shame. To shame.
N.B. You might have spotted that there is another advert below Mr. J’s one, I tend to imagine that it is actually just an appendix to his sign. One that indicates that he gets his leather supplies from the hides of unfortunate reptiles. I sure hope that’s not the case so if there are any readers who can translate for me then I’d love to know what it’s actually getting at…