I made burger out of my knee – How do people ever learn English?

“I shouldn’t have played soccer yesterday, I made burger out of my knee.”


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‘What the holy hell?’ I hear you cry.  Well, Martyn and I were storm-trapped in a hotel room annexed to a temple at Dinghu Shan in Southern China.  We had little else to do but drink expensive Blue Label beer from a fridge in reception and retire to our room to watch Chinese television – a strain at the best of times.  A language programme came on aimed at teaching Chinese to speak English in everyday situations.

Ah, but these were no ordinary situations.  The presenters confidently entered a wonderful role-play where they repeatedly explain to each other that the cause of an exaggerated limp was the substitution of a meat tenderiser for the right-winger, just after half time.  All parties are put at ease by the explanation.
I shouldn't have played soccer yesterday, I made burger out of my knee - Chinglish in Dinghushan, China
On what planet will this phrase ever be spoken?  Come to think of it, this one.  Now.  Because of whichever fool wrote the script for these people to soil the airwaves.  I feel genuinely sorry for any Chinese who feels the full force of derision they will undoubtedly suffer after uttering this ridiculous sentence.  What kind of lunatic decides that someone in need of language tuition, injured, in a foreign country, also needs to make themselves an object of much hilarity.  Perhaps this began life as a phrase like ‘I shouldn’t have player soccer yesterday, I hurt my knee in a meaty tackle’, and it morphed into the above mess after an internet translation?

No:

“I shouldn’t have player soccer yesterday, I hurt my knee in a meaty tackle”
becomes
我不应该播放足球昨天,我伤害了我的膝盖在肉香解决
becomes
“I should not play football yesterday, I hurt my knee in the resolve meaty”

Hmmm, ‘Resolve Meaty™ – for those who need a fry-up to cure their hangover but just can’t keep food down.’

Or, still no;

“I shouldn’t have played soccer yesterday, I made burger out of my knee.”
becomes
我不应该踢足球,我昨天提出的汉堡,我的膝盖
becomes
“I should not play football, I put forward yesterday in Hamburg, my knee.”

Therefore I’m at a loss.

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